Cynthia28's Blog

March 10, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — cynthia28 @ 4:47 pm

     How many of us have ever said, “Why don’t they just leave?” when a woman is being abused. I was one of those people. I had no sympathy for a woman who put up with abuse. Then, I became one of those women. Why don’t women leave? Women don’t leave for a few reasons: Fear, lack of resources, lack of financial and economic freedom, children, feelings of guilt, Societal Disbelief Concerning Battered Men. This is not the complete list.  For the a more complete list of why women might stay, visit this site, This site is informative as well. It is not easy to leave. It is difficult and sometimes dangerous. 

     What are the statistics? According to Callie Marie Rennison from the U.S. Department of Justice, in 2000, 1,247 women and 440 men were killed by an intimate partner. In recent years, an intimate partner killed approximately 33% of female murder victims and 4% of male murder victims. Of females killed with a firearm, almost two-thirds were killed by their intimate partners. The number of females shot and killed by their husband or intimate partner was more than three times higher than the total number murdered by male strangers using all weapons combined in single victim/single offender incidents in 2002(The Violence Pol’y Ctr). See this site for even more details compiled by the American Bar Association

     Although we are getting a little better about helping women and empowering them no matter where they are in the process of changing their situation, we still blame the victim for staying, for not being strong, for putting up with it, and in some cases, it is said the victim enjoys the abuse or deserves the abuse. As a society, we still look at domestic violence as an issue related to individuals. We do not look at the societal piece that perpetuates the problem. We do not acknowledge that women are still oppressed in the United States. Here is a wonderful interview about domestic violence and Community Psychology. 

     So, little by little, with the philosophy so small wins, we need to talk to women and men about domestic violence. We need to help women understand that there is support while they are still in the situation and if and when they choose to leave. We need to help people, who don’t understand why women stay, realize this attitude is about blaming the victim and it keeps women in the situation longer and it does not help them with the fear and embarrassment domestic violence causes. Here are two videos that talk about how to help. The first is from the Center for Disease Control (so I was not able to put the cool little t.v. screen in the post)

This Youtube video is quite good as well.

     I know I did not talk, in depth,  about all the difficult and dangous reasons women do not leave. That is for my next blog.



  1. Knowing me now, a lot of people find it hard to believe that I was once in an abusive relationship. When people find out, they often tell me they think I am smarter than that, which I find funny in an ironic sort of way. There is this perception that there are glaring signs that the person is abusive, but often they are charming and manipulative. They say and do all the right things. When they have you hooked, they start subtly undermining your self-esteem, or they choose people who have low self-esteem to begin with. They are methodical in cutting you off from family, friends, and even work. They increase their control gradually. When you resist, that’s when things start getting really ugly. Fear is their greatest tool. They threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, your family. Unfortunately, in many cases, law enforcement and the legal system work against those who are abused and it ends tragically. I was fortunate enough to have the will to survive and help from people within the legal system to protect myself and my children. However, I still find myself, at times, looking over my shoulder even after 13 years and thousands of miles.

    Comment by phoenixfire64 — March 11, 2010 @ 6:33 am

  2. Well, I can’t wait for the next one. This is a good example of how community psychology presents a different way of thinking about this problem, and how to address it…

    Comment by professor — March 22, 2010 @ 2:40 pm

  3. I really enjoyed reading your blog. You chose an important and difficult subject. Good discussion on the issue and inclusion of outside links. Please fix your links for better readability (you lost points on this).


    Comment by coercedtoblog — March 23, 2010 @ 3:52 am

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